I AM LOVE.

I've become really angry at my face, the face I present to the world. Well, this has actually been going on for some time, but the idea, or consciousness "behind" it is really surfacing. The truth is coming up, rising, to be told.

I get these little nuances about people pleasing. This morning, I got an epiphany about those of us who do really well in school but then fall flat on their "face" in the real world. There we go with the "face" again. I was pretty gold star in school. Throw a bone, tell me what you want, and I will go for it. I will run, run, run, super hard, grab it, snatch it and bring it back to you. What fact can I retrieve, what formula or equation would like to know? If you give me a high grade, we can all look pretty. Like a dog, I'll wait in anticipation for my prize. Did I win? Do you love me? Am I now enough? Oh, what, go get another bone? And so it goes, from school to college to work, life and boyfriends, tell me what you want and I will serve it up with a smile. Just give me a prize, tell me you love me.

I was a bargain. The prize was never all that. I mean, it was in the beginning. It felt good to be able to do what I'm told. But that's all it is, doing what you're told. No special requirements needed.

My face has been breaking out for over a decade. I think that's when my body started catching on to this people pleasing tendency; this canine advantage was turning out to be a real detriment to my well being. What looked like a winning skill on the outside: "she's good with people" was burning the shit out of my insides (= she's totally dumbing herself down over and over).

I think of that Madonna song,"I'm burning up, burning up for your love." Bingo. Poor dog, I hope he ran away-O.. And got a life for himself.

I've been a seeker forever. I'm infamously curious. I want to know why things happen. Why this person lives a life like this, when less than 2 feet away, another person is experiencing a completely different set of factors. Why? Is the first one more lucky? More favored by God?

This is what I think: We are God. Or part of God. And when we wake up, we get it. We stop punishing, denying, rejecting, sabotaging, killing ourselves and we start honoring life beginning with our own existence. This is how we "save face."

Ta-dah !!  Drum roll please..

Am I here to do stupid, ridiculous, completely mindless stuff over and over and over again to try to become worthy of love? HELL to the NO.

I'm here to figure out the riddle. And this is it:
I AM LOVE. I AM THE CREATOR. The difference between one person's life experience and the other so close by, is consciousness. One is aware of who and what they are and knows everything on the outside is a result of the creating on the inside.

Recognize this: YOU CREATE YOUR WORLD. BE KIND. Honor yourself.

I heard an energy healer talking the other day about how you know when you're in alignment with life and when you're not. I always say- don't become good at something you don't like doing.

I've been looking for the perfect face cream to clear my skin but I'm starting to realize it's not the cream, it's the alignment to me. To life. Pleasing me, not others. Being me, not a pawn, or a dog, or anything else.

I have to tell you, I can see the difference already.